October 23, 1981 - August 17, 2009
From a little boy, Matthew intuitively knew and felt the meaning of the heart connection. Throughout his life he understood the deep bond between people as well as between humans and all creatures. At age 4 he approached some older boys on the beach who were harming clams, and asked why they were killing God’s creatures. He came to me crying, unable to process how this could be happening. My heart ached for him while trying to explain to a four year old that sometimes people do bad things. During his teens, he would bring home stray animals and people asking if we could keep them. “Help them”, he would ask, as for him, it seemed the most obvious thing to do; to help someone in need.
As he grew older, this depth of sensitivity shaped the beginning of his difficult earth walk.
In looking back, I now see that this world was just too darn harsh for Matthew. He had great difficulty reconciling all the bad and wrong in the world. Eventually, his demons won out and Matthew lost his battle on August 17th, 2009 .
We, his family miss him every single day. There was much about him that he, and we struggled with, but also, there was so much about Matthew that we loved; his never-ending and unconditional love for his sisters Nicole and Mackenzie. The big brother of both, who would have given his life to keep them safe. We, his mom and dad, Kimberly and Mark, who he only wanted to make proud. And he did many times.
His love for music lead him to asking for saxophone lessons at age 7. He played regularly for 8 years until he found out that the guitar was “more cool”. He also loved sports and could quote the ‘stats” on many celeb players even though the only sport he really played was baseball (and some hockey when he was little). He loved being around water, and was a licensed diver never growing tired of being at the lake with his Dad. He rarely held a grudge, always coming back for hugs and something to eat just minutes after an argument. Always curious, he loved digging in the dirt and exploring new territory, coming home covered in mud from head to toe.
Matthew loved to eat, and especially Gramma Joan’s perogies, borsch soup and pumpkin pie. We miss watching him eat. Well honestly, we miss everything about him. His hugs, and especially that big grin of his. In the early days of loss, I would hear his voice, feel his energy and know that he was watching over us.
The driving force behind these retreats is a tribute to Matthew; that his struggle in life and his death were not in vain. And I am certain that he, through those he meets, where he is now, leads the moms who find their way to the weekend retreat.
As the years go on, without him, he continues to inspire me, to uplift me, and to touch me. Each time I meet a newly bereaved mom at the retreat or anywhere, I know he has somehow sent her, and I truly believe that he gently holds space for us all throughout the weekend. And even though I hear his voice less these days, I know he is still with us and around us shining his light for us to keep moving forward, as he too is right beside us all the way.
Shine On Matthew.
We Love you forever,
And if I
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the
time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.
Copyright ©1987, Colleen
is a bereaved mother. Her son Matthew died suddenly in August 2009 at the age of 27 as a result of complications from addictions. Kimberly had been involved in meditation and alternative health modalities long before the tragic loss of her son, and now uses her knowledge and wellness background to offer a place for other moms who are bereaved. She does this as a give back or pay it forward; this is a not for profit offering, and she is always seeking practitioners who will donate their time to the moms.
Please contact Kimberly at:
Phone: +1 519 909 9644
Dates for the next retreat will be posted soon tentatively for the end of May 2020.
Please contact Kimberly to register as space is limited.
Welcome ALL mothers who are bereaved. There is no time frame on our grief, whether your loss was long ago or recent. Each of us has experienced the death of a child.
We gather together for self care, support, and comfort. Please do not hesitate to contact me for a chat and learn more about who I am, what this is all about, and discuss if this is good timing for you.